If there ever was such a thing as too much everything and not enough of anything, Damian Darkseid’s The Last of the Wicked Romancers embodies that. The prose is flowery. So flowery that it ceases to make sense about 3 sentences into the story. The lack of editing and blatant disregard for words and their meanings makes this a headache to read.
I kept reading this book because I was certain there was no way for this to be real. I was certain the author was going to interject and make a joke of it. The author finally did interject (and was articulate and concise, yes!!!), but he did not make a joke of the book. He returned us to the Random Romance Generator 2000. It’s pretty evident that the author has never read a romance novel in his life and looked up keywords to insert on a whim.
Despite this lack of understanding about what makes an erotica or romance book interesting, Darkseid tries with all his might to write sex scenes. This book needs to come with some warnings. The MC has no trouble hitting a woman, and not in the happy slap-your-ass way, or even the “I’m a legit dom punishing my sub” way. No. He beats a woman in the face. There was so much going on during the scenes, I wasn’t sure whether to cover my eyes of cover my mouth. Mostly, it felt like, short of incest and pedophilia, the author was attempting to hit every single taboo sex trope he could. All while using the most ludicrous verbiage for sexual organs possible.
Also, once the weird mix of misspelled modern crude and misused 18th century poetry is deciphered, the MC is a strangely likable asshole. He’s obviously an asshole, as he’s a cheater…and with multiple women. But you feel for him, too. He’s a pretty realistic character who has his own issues at work and home. And, once deciphered, the ending is something that I didn’t see coming and really appreciated. It was a shocking twist for which I applaud Darkseid.
This book actually has the potential to be a fascinating story. If Darkseid would employ an editor (message me, I’ll get you my rates), about 10 Beta readers, and maybe actually read a contemporary romance (not erotica), he could really make something that would be well-received. Until then, I have to not recommend this book…unless you happen to enjoy the prose version of abstract art. Then this is definitely the book for you.